Recently, my esteemed colleague, Joshua “Jimmy Jam” York, inspired us all with his list of 7 SXSW Tips You Can Use.  Being a rather contrary and generally sarcastic fellow, I was inspired to produce an anti-article to Josh’s positive advice.  Instead of telling you how to make SXSW the best it possibly can be, I would rather countdown the best ways to absolutely and completely lay waste to your SXSW experience and ruin any chance of forming a single positive memory.  Please, don’t feel obligated to put all of these tips to work, feel free to mix-and-match and see what doesn’t work best for you.

7. Assume its going to be 80 degrees every day. We are talking about Austin, as in Austin, Texas, right?  So don’t worry, the last time it rained was in 1968 and they still believe snow is a myth.  In fact, it is against the law to sell outdoor thermometers that go below 65 degrees there.  Trust me, shorts and a t-shirt/tank-top are really all you need during the day, and at night too for that matter.

6. Go hard or go home! This isn’t your momma’s music conference.  Where ever you are at any given moment something cooler is happening somewhere else.  If you miss anything you fail.  Two bands you want to see are playing at the same time across town from each other?  Big-deal, I bet Fonzie would know how to make it work, and you know you want be cool like Fonzie.  Fonzie wouldn’t pick and choose. Fonzie would see everything and be everywhere.

5. Your shoes should be for style not function. Sneakers and socks? Really? That’s soooo rock’n'roll.  Who cares if you are going to be walking all over town and on your feet for twenty-two to thirty hours a day?  Once you get to the show you won’t be walking around that much.

4.  Dont even bother trying to RSVP for parties early. Nobody knows which parties are going to be cool or lame anyway.  Plus, it’s not like that list at the door really matter, don’t they know who you are?

3.  Earplugs are only for planes and church. Every year I find at least one pair of ear plugs in my grab bag when I pick up my badge.  They must really love filling up landfills or something because nobody in their right mind would use them.  Not only do they dampen the sound and save your ears and your ability to have a conversation without shouting later in the evening, but they look ridiculous (especially those low-profile, flesh colored earplugs that are made for musicians that reduce the volume without distorting the sound).

2. Sleep when you’re dead, grandma! There is only one thing that your hotel bed should be used for and it is not sleeping (somersault contests of course).  Make a pledge to not sleep from the first strumming of a guitar on Wednesday until the final amp is unplugged Sunday.  That’s how the cool kids roll.  (This tip brought to you by RedBull, Monster, and your friendly neighborhood speed freak.)

And the number one, guaranteed tip to ruin SXSW…..

1. Get on an ALL LIQUID DIET! Considering the fact that almost every day party, and every single after party and after-after party have free booze, the only time you need to pay for alcohol is during the evening showcases.  And if you have to spend money, shouldn’t it be on drinks instead of food?  Remember:  you can get all the vitamins and calories you need, without any of that silly nutrient stuff if you only drink smartly.  Bloody Mary/Screwdrivers for breakfast, a nice wheat ale for lunch, and a dark beer for dinner and fill in between times with vodka, bourbon, and tequila and you will be good to go.

Just follow these simple rules and you too can have a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad SXSW.

I am looking forward to seeing you there! Hit me up on twitter @JKaiser28T or become my friend on FourSquare or Facebook and we can ruin our collective SXSWs together!

It is indeed that time again.  When every musician, manager and marketer will descend upon Austin, TX for two weeks of music, debauchery and mayhem.  To make it through unscathed is an unlikely expectation, but let’s look together at ways to make the most of our time together.  I consider these my seven essential tips to heavenly SXSW bliss.

1. Expect any and all types of weather. Years past have ranged from mid-40′s to upper-80′s, so bring your favorite shorts and sweater.  If nothing else, you can pull off the quintessential hipster-backpacker traveling the Hill Country of Texas “look”

2. Don’t forget the earplugs. Who cares if you are past your prime, I’m sure your kids will appreciate not having to repeat everything they say for the next 30 years.  Be kind to your ears, they’re the only one’s you get (at least until that rock n’ roll ear transplant cost goes down)

3. Wear your fav, comfortable sneakers. No longer for nurses, octogenarians and fringe groups, today you too can enjoy the comforts of walking around all day and now, into the night

4. Go ahead and catch-up on your sleep now. Mid-afternoon naps may come to your rescue.  You certainly do not want to be the one person in Austin who misses out on the once-in-a-lifetime 4am. superjam on 6th St featuring Lil’ Wayne, Lady GaGa and Lyle Lovett, do you?

5. Plan to see lot’s of music you have never heard before. This is the reason for the season.  The small, hometown band coming to Austin so some label Artist and Repertoire suit can sign them and make all of their dreams come true.  Did you know they sign almost every one of the 2,000 bands playing?  Wait, I may need to check that stat

6. Find the parties. You know they’re there, you know you want to be there, all that is left is to find them and not take no for an answer.  I don’t care how big that bouncer is, life is yours for the taking!

7. Lastly, Go freakin’ nuts! See every show.  Let the naysayers say nay-nay, they probably just need more fiber in their diet.  Why did you come to SXSW?  To hang around a hotel room?  You can do that back in Omaha and save the coin you dropped on this pilgrimage to the epicenter of music today

With that being said, take care of yourself and each other.  See you in Austin!  Show me your tweets, @JoshuaYork

Last one there has to carry everyone’s schwag bags!

Well, spring is creeping around the bend and that can only mean one thing: SXSW IS HERE!

That’s right, once again the FanMail team has made the long, arduous journey to the center of the Lone-Star State for that one of kind event that brings the best brightest minds in interactive marketing, film, and (of course) music together for ten days of learning, drinking, and fun in the gorgeous city of Austin.

Throughout the event, David, Josh, and I will be keeping you up-to-date on all the new technologies and ideas we find intriguing (not to mention all the trouble we will inevitably get ourselves into–I’m looking at you Josh–I swear, we really can’t ourselves anywhere without having a good time).

Also, if you are in Austin and have a party you’d like to invite us to or know of a show/film/panel that cannot be missed, simply tweet the details and include the #fancentric hash-tag. Oh, and speaking of Twitter, be sure to follow us, @fancentric, to get the dirty on what we are getting into as it happens.

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On October 14th we will be joined by our client Road Runner Records in the Media & Entertainment Solutions Showcase at ExactTarget Connections 09 in Indianapolis. This is the largest direct marketing conference in the world and is a super valuable and insightful event for any direct or interactive marketer. If you are going be there, hit us up so that we can hang out.

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On October 19th, The A2IM will be presenting a Tech Day for their members prior to CMJ. We have been asked to participate on the panel discussing direct and email marketing. If you are an A2IM member and going to be in NYC for CMJ, check out this event and hit me up to hang out.

In their words:

Hosted by the A2IM New Media Committee, this Tech Day will feature presentations and question & answer sessions on the topics of Email Marketing and Direct-to-Consumer (D2C) Marketing.  It will be our 3rd such event and the two previous have been very informative and no doubt benefited the members who attended.

Following Tech Day, A2IM will host a Cocktail Party starting at 6pm and open to all members.  Last February’s pre-Digital Music Forum: East and last October’s pre-CMJ Tech Day and Cocktail Party were both great successes with over 70 attendees at each Tech Day and over 130 attendees at each Cocktail Party.

Here is the PPT slides from the event. Even without the audio from the presentation these slides tell a great story.